Since getting laid off last week, and having my mornings with my 2 1/2 year old by myself, and Franklin being at school. I got the guilts and the gift of getting several hours alone with Jackson.
I spend so much time on Franklin and his therapies and schools, and making sure that we are trying to have a melt down free environment. Jackson sometimes I think gets screwed and gets a real short end of the stick. It made me sad this morning just looking at how much he wanted my undivided attention. So I took him to the pool, and we swam and played, he pummeled and wrestled me, and climbs on me like I am his personal jungle gym and did some of his speech therapy work, and built Legos, and ate breakfast and lunch together. After I got him showered and dressed after the pool, he hugged me and said "ahhhh mmama". It takes so little to make the kid totally happy, and after spending just a little time alone with him without other distractions, I have to remind myself - I HAVE 2 children.
Franklin is special and requires a lot, but Jackson is my baby and he requires my time and love and attention too. I was hit with the shitty mother stick today, but am not going to feel bad. I am basking in the joy of watching him nap because we played to the point of exhaustion (and I left the kitchen a mess) I played before I did the chores, and the child and the mommy are happier because of it.
Until I get a job (and beyond when I get a job) my baby is getting one on one mommy time, screw autism, and laundry, and all the other stupid chores that take time away from the little people who need us.
I am blessed to be the mommy to these two little souls, and they deserve the equal amount of time from me, equal love, and equal work. I will figure out a balance, because I hate getting hit with the shitty mommy stick. I took the wind out of me, but my little man telling me "aaahhhh mama" gave me the wind and the burst of love and energy I needed to remind me. There are 2 boys equally special and equally loved here.