Sunday, April 3, 2011

Run Mommy Run

I still have yet to figure out why I decided to embark on a fitness program that includes running.  I used to HATE to run, I am still not sure that I will love it, but in the last month it has begun to grow on me.

I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that since my double mastectomy I have smaller more manageable tata's that don't make running a painful experience (at least in that part of my body). 

I have tried a thousand different ways to get and stay fit in my life, after a life long struggle with my weight I feel like I have changed my lifestyle enough that I am getting a handle on that.  I have been to every gym, every type of exercise class, and team sport that there is.  So in the last couple months as I decided I needed to get it together and really pick something that was going to be easy to do, on my own time, and if I have to include the kids and the dogs.

So I found a website and that had a Couch to 5K race plan.  So I started the plan, sometimes on my treadmill sometimes around the neighborhood with the kids in the stroller.  So I'm doing it, following the plan and believe it or not I am starting to enjoy the running part.   It's not as painful as it was when I started several weeks ago, and I'm running a little farther and for a little bit longer everyday.  So I committed to running a race May 7th, and then doing a half marathon in September.  HIGH HOPES, but those are the plans.  I'm thrilled with how this has kicked my weight loss and into a higher gear.

But as I ran tonight on my treadmill with my 2 year old throwing blocks at me and my 4 year bringing me his socks to put on him every 5 minutes I was think why was it that I picked running for a fitness plan. 

Well first and foremost it's free, it doesn't cost me anything except my electric bill if I choose to run on the treadmill.  In this economy gyms had to go so my health and fitness was up to me.

This is something I can and do by myself, I don't have to have a partner.  I'm not comparing myself to the skinny bitch with the pink bedazzled running outfit on the treamill next to me at the gym.  But more than that it really is helping me quiet all the noise from all the other areas in my life that are not perfect or even good right now.

It is really helping me with the Autism Diagnosis my 4 year old has.  I feel like it is allowing me to grieve the loss of the dream of a typical child that I had.   I love my son more than everything but there was still a dream of a typical child that is lost, and the sadness for Franklin with all the struggles he will endure in his life because of Autism.  Running is giving me strength to be the mommy and advocate that he needs to navigate his life.

It is giving me peace for an hour a day with no worrying about what bills are or are not paid and how much money we have and will we be able to make it this month.  This stupid economy has taken its toll on me, my husband, a lot of our friends, and it gives me a reprieve from the stress of financial insecurity.

My marriage is in struggle mode right now, and running is a reprieve from the stress and resentment and lack of forgiveness that both of us have.  Marriage is full of Peaks and Valleys and we are in a Valley, hopefully it won't be much longer but the running takes a lot of the sadness and hurt away.

There is an episode of Elmo's World that my kids like a lot and its about "Fast and Slow" and the Tortoise and the Hare.  The moral of the story is "Slow and steady wins the race".  That is how my running is going slow and steady.  I doubt I will ever finish any race that I am in First Place.  However, I feel like my slow and steady pace is going to help me win this race of life.  I am grateful that I didn't let the pain of actual running stop me and that I got through it and I'm starting to feel the benefits in so many areas.


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